NO LONGER TWO BUT ONE: THE QUESTION OF UNFAITHFULNESS IN MARRIAGE. (Homily for August 12, 2016. Friday of the 19th week in Ordinary Time.)


Bible Study: Ezekiel 16, 1 to 15, 60, 63. Matthew 19, 3 to 12.


Today’s first reading is very long but there is an aspect that immediately catches one’s eyes. It is the aspect of God speaking to Israel in terms related to marriage: “You grew up and became tall and arrived at full womanhood; your breasts were formed, and your hair had grown; yet you were naked and bare. I passed by you again and looked on you; you were at the age for love. I spread the edge of my cloak over you, and covered your nakedness: I pledged myself to you and entered into a covenant with you, says the Lord GOD, and you became mine.” Ezekiel 16, 7 to 8.

Before the eyes of God, Israel as a nation was like a young girl and God saw her nakedness as she grew to maturity. God decided to cover her nakedness and entered into a marital relationship with her. As we know, this young girl was never faithful to God. A huge chunk of the Old Testament records how Israel kept abandoning God for the Baals as well as the gods of the neighbouring towns. Israel was the icon of an unfaithful wife but God did not send her packing. Otherwise there would be no New Testament.

The fact that God did not give up entirely on Israel as a nation despite her unfaithfulness speaks volumes about marriage. As a married man, if I had the privilege of seeing everything my wife does just as God sees everything we do, or lets say if I plant a camera on my wife’s body and I watch everything she does, how will I react if I discover she is as unfaithful as Israel was to God?

Someone once told me that in life there are some unforgivable sins of which unfaithfulness is one of them. The person said the day he catches his wife or her husband cheating would be the end of the marriage. But Jesus tells us in our Gospel passage this morning: “They are no longer two but one.” This means that on the day of the marriage, two people become eternally united and the fact that one of them is cheating does not break that unity. They still remain one. Unfaithfulness is not a sacrament.

If God did not divorce Israel as a nation despite her many acts of unfaithfulness, why should divorce even cross my mind when I discover my husband or my wife is cheating? Have I not been unfaithful to God myself? How many times have I broken his commandments? Yesterday, Jesus told us something about forgiveness. He gave a parable of a man who was forgiven so much money by his master but refused to forgive a fellow servant who owed him very little. The truth is that unfaithfulness is a small amount compared to the full weight of our sins against God.

When we rule out the possibility of divorce from marriage and are prepared to forgive our spouses no matter the level or height of unfaithfulness, marriage could be seen as a difficult adventure. How will I be able to forgive a man or a woman who sleeps with another person when I am still alive? Is he or she saying I am not enough? What height of disrespect is that? Even if I forgive him or her, how will I be able to open myself to him or her again? How can I continue to love when my love has been betrayed? These are difficult questions but marriage is for life. Once you say “I do” to a person, you have to continue saying “I do” forever.

Peter understood this so he said to Jesus: “if that is the case, then why should anyone marry?” Jesus said, “of course, you can decide to become a eunuch for the sake of the kingdom of God if you wish. He who is able to receive this, let him receive it.”

Marriage is hard and painful. But trust me, celibacy is not less difficult. If because you feel you cannot handle unfaithfulness, you decide to opt for celibacy instead, I just pity for you. No one can live a life he or she is not called to. Celibacy is not like a second choice to marriage. It is a calling of its own. If as a priest or a sister, I engage in sexual act, then I am even worse than a wife or husband who cheats. Why? Because nothing can be hidden from God. a wife or husband may succeed in hiding an affair from her husband or wife out of respect for him or her but a celibate has nowhere to hide. It is like bringing a man or woman to your matrimonial home and cheating right in front of your wife or your husband. At the end, the celibate realizing what he or she has done, knowing that God is aware of what has happened is left miserable, frustrated and dejected.

In the end, whether married or not, the key to lasting happiness is to realize that you are no longer two but one. You and your wife or husband are one. So don’t cheat on yourself. Don’t be unfaithful. You only hurt yourself. Again, as a celibate, you and God are one. So don’t cheat on yourself. You only hurt yourself.

Let us pray:
Lord Jesus, as you forgive me, help me to forgive others especially those whom I think do not deserve to offend me. Help me to remain faithful. Amen.


Good morning. Be Happy. Live Positive. Have Faith. It is well with you. God bless you.

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