Bible
Study: Ephesians 5, 21 to 33 and Luke 13, 18 to 21.
In St.
Paul’s letter to the Ephesians today, we get to see two vital ingredients in marriage;
Love and Respect. These two items are vital in the sense that they determine
the life of the marriage. Take away love from Marriage and what you get is two
strangers fighting each other every day. Take away respect from marriage and
what is left is two people set to sniff out life from each other.
No
marriage can survive without love and respect. This means therefore that, so
long as love and respect exist in a marriage, nothing can shake it. And if
there is any marriage at the brink of collapse, love and respect can bring it back
to life.
Are you
already married? Two questions for you right now: Do I truly and completely
love my spouse? And secondly, do I adore, revere and cherish my spouse? Your
sincere response to these two questions can tell you how long your marriage
will last.
When we
read this first reading, there is a tendency to assume that the wife’s duty is
to respect while the man’s duty is to love. This is because of the way and
manner in which St. Paul drums “Wives, be subject to your husbands as to the
Lord.” But the fact remains that a man who lacks respect for his wife cannot
claim to love her.
More so, respect
is not the same thing as fear. A man doesn’t have to be afraid of his wife, all
he needs is to respect her likewise, some women claim to respect their husbands
but they actually fear them. It is possible to be afraid of a person yet lack
respect for him or her; you start hiding things from the person yet what you do
behind him or her shows your total disregard for that person.
A spouse
who truly respect her partner will never cheat on him or her. Indeed, love and
respect go together. To truly love a person is to value that person and make
that person feel needed. When I know there is someone who needs me, my
self-worth, self-esteem and zeal for life is greatly boosted. I feel respected
when you love me. And by merely realising how much you respect me, I in turn
will also respect you. Respect begets respect.
Husbands,
respect your wives. Your self-worth as a person depends on your wife. How? Even
if the whole world bows to you outside the house, people lick your shoes and
throw their caps for you, you still feel worthless and stupid when your wife does
not respect you. When you come home, your wife puts you in your correct shoe
size and all the worship you get out there vanishes like dust. But you cannot
force respect from your wife. You have to respect her first so that she will
reciprocate that respect.
If you treat
your wife like a rag, you are reducing yourself to a rag. You can never be
greater than the woman because you both are not two separate persons but one. Whatever
you do to her, you are doing it to yourself. Pay attention to what St. Paul
says: “He who loves his wife loves himself.” Meaning: a man who hates his wife,
beats her or embarrasses her does so to himself. Greater shame and pain goes to
you than to your spouse when hurt your spouse. Why? You are one person.
It is not
possible to say you love a person without also respecting that person and one
way to test if you really love a person is to find it if you have ever lied to
that person. If you tell me something and I discover it is a lie, I feel very bad
not because of the issue at hand but because by being able to summon courage to
lie to me, you are telling me that I am not worthy enough to hear the truth. Every
lie is a sign of disrespect and a sign that you are not really loved by the one
who lies to you. If you want to start loving your spouse, then start by being
truthful!
Jesus says
the kingdom of heaven starts small like the grain of mustard but soon grows to
become a tree. It is like a little leaven which can act upon a whole large
piece of flour. In the same way, quarrels, misunderstanding, disrespect and so
on begin small in the marriage. A very small issue can easily escalate if not
properly handed. Husbands and wives, do not bear grudges, silence does not take
problems away, quench that fire before it grows bigger, do not sweep dirt under
the carpet otherwise it will attract worms, insects and pests. As a rule, do
not let your anger last overnight! Confer, Ephesians 4, 26. Kill that anger before it
grows. Never allow your love turn to hate!
Let us
pray:
Lord
Jesus, bless our marriages with love and respect. Amen.
Be Happy.
Live Positive. Have Faith. It is well with you. God bless you.
Fr. Abu
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