_(Thursday
16th August, 2019. Read Joshua 24:1-13, Psalm 136 and Matthew
19:3-12)_
_“For this
reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and
the two shall become one flesh' So they are no longer two but one flesh. What
therefore God has joined together, let not man put asunder.” *(Matthew 19:5-6)*_
Personally,
I see a connection between Jesus’ teaching on forgiving our neighbours
seventy-seven times seven times and his teaching on divorce. One of my
definition of marriage is: the happy union of a man and a woman who know how to
forgive or better put, the union of a man and a woman who are willing to bring
out the best in each other.
There is
no perfect human being in the world but so long as people remain alive, growth
takes place, something changes. Your spouse may not be the best human being but
if you are willing to create an enabling environment for him or her to grow, if
you are willing to forgive, encourage and pray for him or her like a Mother or
Father who never gives up on their child, that marriage is sure to work.
No one
prays for unhappiness in marriage, no one prays to encounter a spouse who
becomes a monster just after the wedding ceremony but the truth is that the
sustenance of your marriage depends on your ability to forgive him or her as
many as seventy times seven. Once you start keeping records of offences, once
your heart becomes a storage container of anger, you allow the devil to get a
hold of the marriage.
Are you
preparing for marriage, there is one question you must answer before proceeding
to say “I do.” This all-important question is: “Can I forgive him or her no
matter what?” If your answer is negative, then know that your marriage ended
before it started. If I cannot forgive him or her, it means I am not marring
for better for worse but for better only. Sadly, so many marriages are falling
apart today before from the beginning they married for better only (for
convenience).
Marriage
should never be treated like an achievement (like a degree you acquire to earn
the respect of others). It is a decision to literally die to the self for the
sake of the other. People who are selfish; people who lack the capacity to
sacrifice for others are not suited for marriage. You do not marry so that
someone will take care of you, complete you or provide for you. No, you marry
so that you can take care of your spouse, complete him or her and even die for
him or her.
From the
words of Jesus in today’s Gospel passage, we can see that it is not the mind of
God that any marriage should end in divorce. God did not design marriage as a
temporary arrangement but as a permanent bond; a life-time friendship. One of
the qualities of love according to St. Paul is that “Love never ends.” You
would agree with me that this teaching of Jesus is one of the most difficult to
accept even in our day.
In fact,
upon hearing what Jesus said about divorce, Peter was shocked. He said to
Jesus: “If such is the case of a man with his wife, it is not expedient to
marry.” (Matthew 19:10) I think Peter was right. Some persons are just not cut
out for marriage. Do not marry because your mates are married or because of
parental pressure or to just to meet anyone’s expectation. Do not marry just to
fulfil your sexual appetite; remain celibate and marry only because you are
ready to love for better and for worse till death. You can still serve God and
live a very happy and fulfilled life as a celibate.
Is your
marriage experiencing difficulties? First, bear in mind that this is exactly
what the devil wants. The thief who comes to steal, to kill and destroy knows
how easy it is for him to increase evil and destroy whole populations if he
succeeds in ending your marriage. The problem may be more than your spouse. Go
to God in prayer.
Secondly,
let love reign in your home, do not give fire for fire, do not return insult
with insult. He or she may have faults but show him or her so much love that
the thought of seeking love anywhere else will not even arise.
Thirdly,
seek out the services of professional counsellors and therapists; persons who
are trained just like doctors trained to treat sicknesses. Either you or your
spouse may be suffering from serious mental or psychological illness, let the
professionals do their job.
Fourthly,
be willing to admit your own faults and make corrections. Don’t think you are a
saint and everyone else is a devil, don’t excuse yourself from blame. You may
have had some unresolved issues arising from your childhood which you are not
conscious of. Ending this marriage may not solve your problem Look inwards.
Fifthly,
forgive. Take it that your spouse is the most stubborn kid and you are the best
teacher in the universe; your job is to make this kid the greatest person the
world has ever known. Lastly, act quickly. Do not let even the smallest quarrel
blow up. Do not allow things get out of hand. As St. Paul would say: “Do not
let the sun go down on your anger.” (Ephesians 4:26).
Let us
pray: Lord Jesus, increase my faithfulness. Amen
*Be Happy.
Live Positive. Have Faith. It is well with you. God bless you. (Friday of
the 19th Week in Ordinary Time. Bible Study: Joshua 24:1-13, Psalm 136 and
Matthew 19:3-12).*
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