Marriage is Hard, but Divorce is Harder

Sunday, 6 October 2024. Readings: Genesis 2:18-24, Ps. 128, Hebrews 2:9-11, Mark 10:2-16

“From the beginning of creation, God made them male and female. For this reason, a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. So, they are no longer two, but one flesh.” (Mark 10:6-8)

Last Sunday, Jesus graphically illustrated the danger of sin. “Whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in me to sin, it would be better for him if a great millstone were hung round his neck and he were thrown into the sea. And if your hand causes you to sin, cut it off; you should enter life maimed than with two hands to go to hell, to the unquenchable fire.” (Mark 9:42-43)

In today’s Gospel passage, we read that the Pharisees (who did not believe that Jesus was the Messiah) put Jesus to the test by asking a divorce question. These Pharisees knew that Moses’ Law permitted divorce, but they also knew about the abuses that followed this law. Men were changing wives like people changing clothes. They wondered whether Jesus would side with Moses (permit divorce) or go against Moses (thereby proving He wasn’t from God). The question was a trap.

While responding to this test question, Jesus reminded them that Moses’ Law on divorce responded to their hardness of heart. In other words, this law was given because they were not yet mature enough spiritually to understand God’s laws. Moses allowed them to divorce because they were coming out from 400-year slavery and were still accustomed to pagan practices. Jesus then took their minds back to the beginning, explaining that God, who created marriage, intended it as a life-long commitment.

This is where today’s Gospel passage connects with that of last Sunday. Whether we like it or not, marriage is difficult. It is impossible to live with someone without issues now and then. You may even get tired of each other. It is often said that the day you get married, you suddenly realise there are better people than your spouse. You start seeing more beautiful, loving and caring men or women, and you begin to wonder why you have been blind ever since. Just as Jesus wants us to embrace sacrifice (cut off our hands and legs or pluck out our eyes) to avoid sin, marriage is one institution that embodies sacrifice for the sake of eternal life. Again, just as Jesus wants us to avoid scandalising the little ones, we must understand that divorce is a grave scandal.

In summary, Jesus condemned Moses’ Law on divorce but excused Moses by saying he responded to the people’s hardness of heart. Today, the choice is up to us: whether to remain hardened in the heart (follow Moses’ instruction; obtain a certificate of divorce from the court) or to embrace Jesus’ stance on Marriage (take the path of sacrifice, remain with our spouses through thick and thin, remove divorce an option). Anyone who still wants to go with Moses today is not yet a Christian.

This is the end of today’s homily. Feel free to stop here. Whatever follows from this point on is only for Christians – those who agree with Jesus that “from the beginning, God made them male and female and intended that they be joined as one forever.” Underline male and female. Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve. Adam and Eve, not Adama and Eve.

Let us now consider the lessons contained in today’s readings:

1. It is Not Good to Be Alone
Today’s First Reading takes us to where all our problems started. “Then the Lord God said, ‘It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.’” (Genesis 2:18). Having created us in His image and likeness, God (who is Himself a Trinity of Father, Son and Holy Spirit), discovered that it is bad for human beings to be alone. It is very bad to live in a world of “I”, “Me” and “Myself.”

Many so-called married people are more “alone” than single persons. Some marriages are suffering today because of issues such as making decisions without consulting one’s spouse, refusal to share one’s resources, keeping secrets from each other, inability to sacrifice for one’s spouse, etc. Listen! It is not good to be alone. We need each other; we must give up our lives for one another. St. Paul said: “Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her… For no man ever hates his flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, as Christ does the church.” (Ephesians 5:25-29). This applies to both husbands and wives.

How many husbands (and wives) are ready to die for their spouse as Christ died for the church? These are the real Christians, not those who have allowed themselves to be brainwashed by modern ideologies. I am not married, but I am not alone. I live entirely for you - my flock. From rising to sleeping, I am only concerned about nourishing you spiritually. I spend hours daily preparing and delivering sermons to deepen your understanding of God’s Word. I never ignore sick calls, blessings, sacraments or invitations to give talks, seminars or retreats. I am busy round the clock, for your sake, yet I am very happy and fulfilled.

My point is, whether we are married or celibate, it is not good to be alone. Even Jesus Christ was never alone. He lived his entire life to sacrifice for the good of humanity. In today’s Second Reading, we read: “We see Jesus, who for a little while was made lower than the angels, crowned with glory and honour because of the suffering of death so that by the grace of God he might taste death for everyone. For it was fitting that he, for whom and by whom all things exist, in bringing many sons to glory, should make the pioneer of their salvation perfect through suffering. (Hebrews 2:9-10).

Selfish people are never happy; they always seek to use others and are never satisfied. Are you considering divorce out of selfishness? Are you dreaming of a life that wouldn’t require sacrificing for anybody? Listen, such a life does not exist. There is no guarantee that you won’t divorce your next husband or wife if you divorce this one. Stop blaming the other person; look inward also. Why are you refusing to adjust or sacrifice for them? Why do you raise your hands to beat your spouse? Why do you use derogatory terminologies on your spouse? Repent. Stop it.

2. Bone of My Bones: Flesh of My Flesh
Another important lesson in today’s First Reading is that couples must learn to accept their spouses as they are. Adam accepted Eve as she was. He did not try to remove, edit or rearrange anything in her. “This, at last, is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman because she was taken out of Man.” (Genesis 2:23). Stop attempting to change your spouse.

By the way, you cannot even change him (her). Yes, people change, but not by shouting, quarrelling, harbouring malice, or attempting to control them. These tactics will never work. You destroy the person you love, trying to mould them into what you consider ideal. No one is without flaws. There were flaws even in Adam. Otherwise, there would have been no need for God to create Eve. Even Eve had flaws, but Adam loved her with her flaws.

If you want me to change, but I do not see anything wrong with myself, we will only battle for nothing. I will change when I realise my faults like the Prodigal Son who said: “I have sinned… I will go back to my Father.” (Cf. Luke 15:17-18). You may attempt to take out the speck in your spouse’s eye but do not notice the log in yours. Respect your spouse. Do not abuse them. That you paid the bride price does not mean you bought her or that you can easily change her like a car.

3. Why is Divorce a Grave Scandal?
On the day of marriage, a man and woman promise to love and cherish themselves for better or worse, for richer or poorer, in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health, till death do them part. Divorce announces that they lied to each other and everyone who witnessed the wedding. Divorce says: “We didn’t mean we were going to stay with each other during the bad times.” Divorce proclaims that it is okay to make a promise like our politicians seeking office only to retract one’s statements after one has been elected into power.

According to Archbishop Fulton Sheen: “The moral health of peoples is closely tied to the condition of matrimony. When matrimony is corrupted, society is sick, perhaps gravely ill.” If your baby is sick, you take them to the hospital for treatment; you don’t throw them in the dustbin. If your spouse is sick, you find ways to treat them; you don’t divorce them. The church recommends separation to prevent danger to life, but even separation should never be seen as a first step to divorce; rather, it is the first step to dialogue and healing.

As Jesus would say: “Whoever divorces his wife and marries another, commits adultery against her; and if she divorces her husband and marries another, she commits adultery.” (Mark 10:11-12). In the mind of God, the marriage bond never ends. As long as your spouse is still alive, any time you sleep with another man or woman, you commit adultery.

4. When Elephants Fight, The Ground Suffers
Divorce has produced a generation of children who will never appreciate marriage as a life-long commitment, children who do not know how to forgive and forget, having grown up with hatred for either the absent father or mother. How many children have died in the hands of stepmother or stepfather? How many have been sexually abused, poisoned, or made to go through untold torture at the hands of their second daddy or mummy?

Nothing breaks children as much as seeing their parents get divorced. Our Gospel passage ends with Jesus cuddling the children brought to him. It is as if these children came to Jesus to thank Him for taking such a stance on the issue of divorce. Dear brothers and sisters in Christ, education is hard, but ignorance is harder. Self-discipline is hard, but poverty is harder. Marriage is hard, but divorce is harder.

Let us pray: Almighty, ever-living God, bless our marriages and teach us to love one another just as you did on the cross for us. We ask this through Our Lord Jesus Christ, your Son, who lives and reigns with you in the unity of the Holy Spirit, God forever and ever. Amen.

Be Happy. Live Positive. Have Faith. It is well with you. May God’s abundant blessings be upon us all. (27th Sunday in Ordinary Time. Bible Study: Genesis 2:18-24, Ps. 128, Hebrews 2:9-11, Mark 10:2-16).

@Rev. Fr. Evaristus E. Abu